Out of My League

Can I be honest with you for a sec? Ok, well naturally, I am quite the cynic. Seriously. The fact that the I can trust basic spiritual truths at all just screams of God's grace in my life. Otherwise, I'm severely skeptical of most everything. I mean, I was the kid who set traps for Santa so I could prove he wasn't real. Childlike faith wasn't really my forté even when I was one. So, when faith faces hardship, I'm definitely a little way out of my league. God is so gracious to me, though. He gently admonishes me and moves me towards a richer, deeper understanding of trust.

A few weeks ago, our close friends went to the BK's capital for vacation and to investigate one family member's on-going stomach issues. It was certainly no vacation, but they did find out a bit about the illness. We had heard some, but we didn't know the extent of the problem until we picked up our friends at the bus station and lightly asked about the trip. Their response dimmed the conversation with amazing speed: “softball-sized mass on the colon... packing up and going to the US as soon as possible... say our goodbyes...”

My heart grieved for my friends: for a family of seven uprooting with no warning, for the struggle of transitioning back to the US, starting school mid-year, and dealing with serious illness, for our teammate who had lost her best friend and would be even more alone when two-thirds of Team BK goes home in January.

So, we did the only thing we knew to do: we consistently prayed, I'll admit with uncertainty and doubt on my end. I know that God is powerful over even the most intense illnesses, but I have a hard time trusting that He will heal people. I don't like to assume and least of all on God. Yes, I wanted a miracle, but I'm not sure I have even a mustard seed of hope for it.

Fast forward to this family's appointment with doctors in the US. Remember that softball-sized mass they saw on my friend's colon on the last CT scan? That massive lump that caused severe pain and sent a family of seven packing right away? Yeah, it was gone. For real. GONE. Upon arriving to the US, all the tests show absolutely nothing. Grand freaking slam.

When I heard the news, I was brought to my knees. Should I really be so shocked? Isn't my life conviction based on the premise that God will miraculously change hearts? How hypocritical is it of me to doubt His power to change other organs? Very. My should my prayers be so small, so general? Doesn't a good Father want His children to ask Him for help instead of grappling to fix problems that are way out of their league? Yep.

So here I am today, yet again in awe of God's kindness and love. In spite of my weakest attempts and half-hearted prayers, He still chooses to make His extravagant love obvious. Sometimes, that love means letting us face suffering to make us strong. Sometimes, it means miraculously pulling us out of the pit. I can't say which way He will choose to act in any given situation, but I know that I can trust His goodness.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness,” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Ask More Questions

This phrase has recently become Team BK's unofficial motto. It's even a lovely Jula proverb: [Mᴐgᴐ min ninigali ke, o ti fili. or The one who asks, never errs.] This reminder has already helped us manage many a culturally unclear situation to date, and I'm sure it will help in the rest of our interactions, as well. In the beginning of life here, I was afraid to be my naturally curious self and ask too many questions. I was afraid of being too intrusive. As a result, I found myself walking away from situations only to find out later that I had missed some crucially important details. (Exs: Oh, that was your husband. I should have done XYZ with the official papers I had before sending them. The lady visiting is describing her demonic possession, not just insomnia. etc)

Instead of asking, I answered my questions with what I knew of the world, my worldview, my culture. I filled in the blanks with assumption. However, the way I fill blanks is often completely different than the reality of life in Africa. In time, I've had to learn to ask more questions. If not, I only assume upon people's thoughts, words, and intentions. I assume I already understand it all, and in so doing, I isolate myself from true understanding.

The problem is, we often don't know the right questions to ask. Especially in cross-cultural settings, we have no schema for the information we need:

What do you mean when you say this is "medicine"?

Do I need to get this paper stamped a fourth time?

Should I expect this to break in two days?

Is this really a "fine" or a "bribe"?

Correspondingly, I may also assume I'm hearing the whole truth from my friends without having to ask questions. I think people will disclose completely, though that's rarely the case. Lately, I've found certain questions particularly enlightening about people I thought I knew well. Sometimes, when posed, the immediate reply is a quizzical face. Especially for women here, most seem as if they themselves have never considered the answer, nonetheless had to respond to such a question:

How do you feel about this situation?

What things do you aspire to do?

What are some solutions?

What do you think?

In time, I began to understand my friends better with each gradual question posed. I began to comprehend the inevitable and unending guilt-trip we'd face if we didn't visit a certain friend often enough. I began to understand other friends' coldness. I began to understand beggars or the aggressive merchants. As I saw loneliness, desperation, and other issues more clearly, my frustration was replaced with informed compassion. As strong and unaffected as most African women may seem, they are human. They are women. Sure, they can walk miles carrying tons on their heads and babies on their backs, but they can hurt deeply, even if they won't bring it up. They feel. They cry. Trust me; I've seen it.

As humbling as it may be to admit my complete ignorance, it's good for me to ask more questions. True, it can be despairing to know that there's little I can do to fix my neighbors' griefs, but I don't have to be overwhelmed. I'm comforted that God is in control even in this crazy, evil-laced world in which we live. He knows the questions to ask and the questions we don't ask. He knows the answer to these questions and the solutions to our issues, as well. Across every culture, humanity groans with questions, and our loving God Himself is the answer to them all.

Short Term Missions: To Go or Not to Go?

Let me go ahead and affirm "Go!" while adding a cautious, "but think it through, too." I'm always encouraging of people who want to help people internationally and share God's love practically, but there are some very interesting issues that can present themselves in short-term mission trips. When thinking through these matters, it's easy for me to get either highly cynical or discouraged and apathetic, neither of which are helpful. 

In my recent internet wanderings, I ran across two excellent articles which I think present a very healthy balance of warning and encouragement to do aid correctly. If you're interested in international aid, I would highly recommend reading BOTH of these articles so as to get a clear picture of the problems as well as positive solutions. Happy reading!

Why You Should Consider Cancelling Your Short-Term Mission Trips

Toward Better Short-Term Missions

In the end, I love the conclusion given in the second article, and it's where I have also had to land in this whole discussion. Despite everything, God is big. Of course, I will do my very best so as not to harm those I'm trying to help, but He is still working even in the wake of my messes. So, let's love as well as we can and pray for it to be God's work, not ours.

"But the beauty of gospel ministry is that God is not handcuffed by our foolishness. He is still accomplishing his purposes amongst the nations. For any harm we may cause, God is using others to bring great advances for the gospel.

So become a thoughtful global Christian. Think critically about cross-cultural engagement. Be convicted if you are harming the church in other cultures, but know that in the end, God is still on his throne, and his work will be accomplished."

Word.

I have a confession:

I am a language nerd. I mean, like a true nerd. Words are fun to me. Case in point, in one of my particularly dull high school classes several friends and I spent the time searching a dictionary for obscure vocabulary words to work into conversation each day. Feel free to judge. It did annoy our not-so-nerdy friends, but hey, our vocab became quite prodigious.

That being said, when I saw the book title The Power of Words and the Wonder of God, it struck several chords in my nerdy little heart. This ebook is a really good collaborative commentary on God, man, and the power of words.

While I read this book and subsequently lived life, I began to think and learn more about God, about Jesus as the incarnate Word of God, and about the power of our words. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying there's some mystical power in the spoken word of man. Man, unlike God, cannot just call things into being with a few “Let there be”s. I've heard people claim that if you can say it, it will be. That is not what I'm saying.

Words do, however, effect us very deeply. I have seen that in the Bible (Prov 10:19-21) (James 3:1-12) as well as everyday life. In a way, we can create and destroy with our words. I'm sure there's something that someone has said to you, possibly unknowingly, that changed the way you view yourself or your surroundings. For better or for worse, those words likely changed your actions. 

That's powerful.

Our words can also unite or divide. I've seen this firsthand in multi-lingual West Africa. If someone speaks your language, you're automatically friends. Especially if your first language is the minority, there's an undeniable bond with anyone to whom you can talk without having to strain your brain. I have admittedly creeped on people in restaurants and open markets because I heard them speaking my mother tongue. On the contrary, when someone switches languages, there's an automatic barrier. There's almost a bit of humanity lost when someone is going off in words I don't understand. For one conversation, a friend may become a stranger until they intentionally talk for me to understand.

One of the most striking things I've learned about words recently, though, is about the weight of our words as followers of Jesus. Follow me as I take a walk through history and Psalm 19: Creation speaks beautifully of who God is (Ps 19:1-6). In the most remote corner of the world, people hear and strive to understand what creation says about God. That's why we have religions. We need more than just a general sense that we're not alone on this great big ball of dirt, so we fill in blanks. Unfortunately, most people often end up with the wrong conclusions about God. We need clarity, someone speaking our language. So, God inspired people to write His words and sent prophets. God's law teaches us right and wrong. It is a beautiful clarification of what we should be. It brings joy to those who do right (Ps 19:7-11). But do we really often do right? Unfortunately, no. If you live long enough, you see that even “nice” people can be pretty awful.

Here humanity was, despairing at what we could know of ourselves and our distant god. Surely, we can never please a perfect creator. In the same way, the psalmist, David, recognizes the tendency towards unknown evil in his own heart and appeals for God's mercy (11-12). He recognizes his need for God's help to keep from being ruled by evil (13). David concludes with a request: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and Redeemer” (14).

My point is this: what better words are there to say than the message that all humanity is trying to understand? Creation doesn't speak our neighbors' dialect and the Law is only the beginning of the story. God Himself came to us, wearing our skin and speaking our language. Shouldn't we do the same? Shouldn't we carry on the message of hope Jesus came to give? We've been given a words to share that speak to the hearts of everyone (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Let's do that.

“So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son...No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us.”
  -(John 1:14,18)

New Dog, Old Tricks

Sometimes, I just get really sick of average. Yeah, I know. I live in Africa. Not too much here is what I could consider “average.” Still, every so often, I get this urge to find or to make something new. Call it a creative soul. Call it an overactive mind. Call it what you want, but sometimes I just need something original, something novel and beautiful.

Maybe, I'm not alone. I see traces of it all over social media. Even if we realize that people probably don't care about half of the things we say, we still blog, tweet, and instagram by impulse. We just want to be heard, to be “liked,” to say, to show and to hear something worthwhile. We want to belong while simultaneously standing out for our originality. We want to make people think twice about their everyday and look past their own eyes for a second. Or maybe, that's just me.

Every now and then, we get a glimpse of something noteworthy. We paint that lovely sunset. We blog that rich thought. We write down those lyrics and put it to music. We try so hard to make something new while simultaneously trying to avoid being deemed weird. << Lord forbid we become weird! I'm sure God never intended any such differentiation. >> (For those of you who don't get sarcasm, I have created a << sarcasm >> indicator for your clarity.)

Still, our most novel things are, at best, an echo of something else. That painting was inspired by something. That fresh new outfit is vintage. That new movie is a rewritten book. Our conversations are the same, just in a different context.

At the end of the day, we're not so original after all. Even this very blog, it's been said. It was written ages ago. It's why I love the book of Ecclesiastes so much. It confronts our seemingly endless cycles while applauding mankind's everyday efforts:

The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear filled with hearing. That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one might say, 'See this, it is new'? Already it has existed for ages which were before us. There is no remembrance of earlier things; And also of the later things which will occur, there will be for them no remembrance among those who will come later still. (Ecc 1:8-11)

It sounds a little depressing, but it's where my mind goes sometimes. What is our time worth? Even if I was talented, could I ever really create? At my best, will I only copy?

Probably.

Maybe, the better question is: who am I copying? Am I copying a copy of a sunset or am I looking straight at its glory for myself? If I must copy, I've decided to go the Original, God Himself. I'll take an example from the Preacher of Ecclesiates, pondering, writing out truth, and fearing God.
“In addition to being a wise man, the Preacher also taught the people knowledge; and he pondered, searched out and arranged many proverbs. The Preacher sought to find delightful words and to write words of truth correctly...The conclusion, when all has been heard is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.” (Ecc 12:10,13)

He'll Come Like the Rain

Raaaaaaain! 

Many aspects of life in BK make the culture of Bible times so much more relevant. On any ordinary day, I may see ladies drawing water from a well, separating grain from the chaff, riding donkeys, plowing fields, and even sacrificing to idols. One of the things that really hits home while reading, especially this time of year, is the importance of water and of rain. 

It can be depressingly hot and dry this time of year, especially when there's no hope of rain for months. Since living here, I have begun to understand the real dependence on the Father to provide rain, both in the physical and spiritual sense. The references in the Word to rain, its effects, and our dependence become so much more clear and beautiful as I read: 

-That same day the Lord sent thunder and rain. So all the people stood in awe (1 Sam 12:18)
-They waited for me as for showers and drank in my words as the spring rain (Job 29:23)
-Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, Lord our God. (Jer. 14:22)
-Let us press on to acknowledge Him... He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” (Hos 6:3)
-But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He. . . sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matt 5:44-45)
-Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven. . .and fills your hearts with joy. (Acts 14:17)
-Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. (James 5:7)

So, as the skies finally cloud up and rain begins to fall, I soak it in and am reminded of just how helpless I am out here. I can't change people's hearts. I can't make it rain. As we pray, though, God will send the rain to fall on our crazy-dry land. It's amazing how quickly things change with a little bit of rain! He will water the seeds. He will create streams of life-giving water in us. As He comes like the rain, He will fill our hearts with joy. 

Let's Think About It

"Lean with it, rock with it. 

When we gonna stop with it?

Lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought. 

Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat?

It ain't the speakers that bump hearts

It's our hearts that make the beat."

My sentiments, exactly, Twenty | One | Pilots. 

As I said in the last blog, music is important to me. I love how good music can be so complex. It's not just something that makes you want to dance around a room but also real poetry that makes you think. Good music, in contrast to things like Rebecca Black's Friday, is thought-provoking, moving us more deeply than just physically.

When my friends came to Africa for a visit, one of my top requests (along with coffee and cereal) was good music. It was a great request, too, because my friends have impeccable taste. They introduced me to what quickly has become one of my favorite bands: Twenty | One | Pilots.

(check them out here, you know you want to....)

Seriously. They're awesome, but with darker tones to their songs, it's not a band that would likely be on typical Christian radio stations. Still, their lyrics openly talk of many Christian themes: a loving God, the hopeless state of man, need for salvation from a higher being, the battle of the flesh against faith, the battle in every person's mind, restoration of broken people, and so on. For me, it's been a worshipful few days constantly hitting the "repeat" button on my iPod.

One of the things I appreciate about their music is the plea to make thinkers of us. They draw lyrics from a lot of dark places of over-thinking, depression, and fear, but they also speak into these dark places. They sing a certain hope to broken people. They encourage people to seek truth, even in the darkness.
I appreciate that.

As good music should, it made me think. What message is our Christian music sending? What message are we, as the Church, sending? Is it bubblegum versions of a happy wonderland of life in Jesus? Is it, "trust Jesus and never face darkness again"? Is that really the whole truth? Are we skipping ahead in God's epic?

We're all guilty of it, myself included. It's easy to hang things on a "happily ever after," because in reality, there is one. But, are we really at the end of the story, the "happily ever after," or are we just at the rising action, where the story gets interesting? Sometimes, I get the feeling our gospel leaves out the needed complications of the story. Sometimes, our message seems to lead members of our own fellowship to hide the very struggle that makes the Good News great: salvation for broken people in a fallen world.

Let's think about it. Let's be brave with our music and our lives. Let's not run from the dragons of the world or help them to hide. They like the shadows. They're just going create havoc if we don't acknowledge them. Let's face them, instead, armed with Christ as our Excalibur. Let's tell the true and truly good story. Jesus isn't just salvation for once and done. He's salvation for the everyday. He's the Light of the World, able to illuminate the darkest of places.