Ask More Questions

This phrase has recently become Team BK's unofficial motto. It's even a lovely Jula proverb: [Mᴐgᴐ min ninigali ke, o ti fili. or The one who asks, never errs.] This reminder has already helped us manage many a culturally unclear situation to date, and I'm sure it will help in the rest of our interactions, as well. In the beginning of life here, I was afraid to be my naturally curious self and ask too many questions. I was afraid of being too intrusive. As a result, I found myself walking away from situations only to find out later that I had missed some crucially important details. (Exs: Oh, that was your husband. I should have done XYZ with the official papers I had before sending them. The lady visiting is describing her demonic possession, not just insomnia. etc)

Instead of asking, I answered my questions with what I knew of the world, my worldview, my culture. I filled in the blanks with assumption. However, the way I fill blanks is often completely different than the reality of life in Africa. In time, I've had to learn to ask more questions. If not, I only assume upon people's thoughts, words, and intentions. I assume I already understand it all, and in so doing, I isolate myself from true understanding.

The problem is, we often don't know the right questions to ask. Especially in cross-cultural settings, we have no schema for the information we need:

What do you mean when you say this is "medicine"?

Do I need to get this paper stamped a fourth time?

Should I expect this to break in two days?

Is this really a "fine" or a "bribe"?

Correspondingly, I may also assume I'm hearing the whole truth from my friends without having to ask questions. I think people will disclose completely, though that's rarely the case. Lately, I've found certain questions particularly enlightening about people I thought I knew well. Sometimes, when posed, the immediate reply is a quizzical face. Especially for women here, most seem as if they themselves have never considered the answer, nonetheless had to respond to such a question:

How do you feel about this situation?

What things do you aspire to do?

What are some solutions?

What do you think?

In time, I began to understand my friends better with each gradual question posed. I began to comprehend the inevitable and unending guilt-trip we'd face if we didn't visit a certain friend often enough. I began to understand other friends' coldness. I began to understand beggars or the aggressive merchants. As I saw loneliness, desperation, and other issues more clearly, my frustration was replaced with informed compassion. As strong and unaffected as most African women may seem, they are human. They are women. Sure, they can walk miles carrying tons on their heads and babies on their backs, but they can hurt deeply, even if they won't bring it up. They feel. They cry. Trust me; I've seen it.

As humbling as it may be to admit my complete ignorance, it's good for me to ask more questions. True, it can be despairing to know that there's little I can do to fix my neighbors' griefs, but I don't have to be overwhelmed. I'm comforted that God is in control even in this crazy, evil-laced world in which we live. He knows the questions to ask and the questions we don't ask. He knows the answer to these questions and the solutions to our issues, as well. Across every culture, humanity groans with questions, and our loving God Himself is the answer to them all.