Out of My League

Can I be honest with you for a sec? Ok, well naturally, I am quite the cynic. Seriously. The fact that the I can trust basic spiritual truths at all just screams of God's grace in my life. Otherwise, I'm severely skeptical of most everything. I mean, I was the kid who set traps for Santa so I could prove he wasn't real. Childlike faith wasn't really my forté even when I was one. So, when faith faces hardship, I'm definitely a little way out of my league. God is so gracious to me, though. He gently admonishes me and moves me towards a richer, deeper understanding of trust.

A few weeks ago, our close friends went to the BK's capital for vacation and to investigate one family member's on-going stomach issues. It was certainly no vacation, but they did find out a bit about the illness. We had heard some, but we didn't know the extent of the problem until we picked up our friends at the bus station and lightly asked about the trip. Their response dimmed the conversation with amazing speed: “softball-sized mass on the colon... packing up and going to the US as soon as possible... say our goodbyes...”

My heart grieved for my friends: for a family of seven uprooting with no warning, for the struggle of transitioning back to the US, starting school mid-year, and dealing with serious illness, for our teammate who had lost her best friend and would be even more alone when two-thirds of Team BK goes home in January.

So, we did the only thing we knew to do: we consistently prayed, I'll admit with uncertainty and doubt on my end. I know that God is powerful over even the most intense illnesses, but I have a hard time trusting that He will heal people. I don't like to assume and least of all on God. Yes, I wanted a miracle, but I'm not sure I have even a mustard seed of hope for it.

Fast forward to this family's appointment with doctors in the US. Remember that softball-sized mass they saw on my friend's colon on the last CT scan? That massive lump that caused severe pain and sent a family of seven packing right away? Yeah, it was gone. For real. GONE. Upon arriving to the US, all the tests show absolutely nothing. Grand freaking slam.

When I heard the news, I was brought to my knees. Should I really be so shocked? Isn't my life conviction based on the premise that God will miraculously change hearts? How hypocritical is it of me to doubt His power to change other organs? Very. My should my prayers be so small, so general? Doesn't a good Father want His children to ask Him for help instead of grappling to fix problems that are way out of their league? Yep.

So here I am today, yet again in awe of God's kindness and love. In spite of my weakest attempts and half-hearted prayers, He still chooses to make His extravagant love obvious. Sometimes, that love means letting us face suffering to make us strong. Sometimes, it means miraculously pulling us out of the pit. I can't say which way He will choose to act in any given situation, but I know that I can trust His goodness.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness,” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.