Can I be honest with you for a sec? Ok,
well naturally, I am quite the cynic. Seriously. The fact that the I
can trust basic spiritual truths at all just screams of God's grace
in my life. Otherwise, I'm severely skeptical of most everything. I
mean, I was the kid who set traps for Santa so I could prove he
wasn't real. Childlike faith wasn't really my forté even when I was
one. So, when faith faces hardship, I'm definitely a
little way
out of my league. God is so gracious to me, though. He gently
admonishes me and moves me towards a richer, deeper understanding of
trust.
A few weeks ago, our close friends went
to the BK's capital for vacation and to investigate one family
member's on-going stomach issues. It was certainly no vacation, but
they did find out a bit about the illness. We had heard some, but we
didn't know the extent of the problem until we picked up our friends
at the bus station and lightly asked about the trip. Their
response dimmed the conversation with amazing
speed: “softball-sized mass on the colon... packing up and
going to the US as soon as possible... say our
goodbyes...”
My heart grieved for my friends:
for a family of seven uprooting with no warning, for the struggle of
transitioning back to the US, starting school mid-year, and
dealing with serious illness, for our teammate who had lost her best
friend and would be even more alone when two-thirds of Team BK goes
home in January.
So, we did the only thing we knew to
do: we consistently prayed, I'll admit with
uncertainty and doubt on my end. I know that God is powerful over
even the most intense illnesses, but I have a hard time trusting that
He will heal people. I don't
like to assume and least of
all on God. Yes,
I wanted a
miracle, but I'm not sure I
have even a mustard seed of hope for it.
Fast
forward to this family's appointment with
doctors in
the US. Remember
that softball-sized mass they saw on my friend's
colon on the last CT scan? That massive lump
that caused severe pain and sent a family of seven
packing right away? Yeah, it was gone.
For real. GONE. Upon arriving to the US, all the tests show
absolutely nothing. Grand freaking slam.
When I heard the news, I was brought to
my knees. Should I really be so shocked? Isn't my life conviction
based on the premise that God will miraculously change hearts? How
hypocritical is it of me to doubt His power to change other organs?
Very. My should my prayers be so small, so general? Doesn't a good
Father want His children to ask Him for help instead of grappling to
fix problems that are way out of their league? Yep.
So here I am today, yet again in awe of
God's kindness and love. In spite of my weakest
attempts and half-hearted prayers, He still
chooses to make His extravagant love obvious. Sometimes,
that love means letting us face suffering to make us strong.
Sometimes, it means miraculously pulling us out of the pit. I can't
say which way He will choose
to act in any given situation, but I know that I can trust His
goodness.
And He has said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness,”
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so
that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
