This phrase has recently become Team BK's
unofficial
motto. It's
even a lovely
Jula
proverb: [Mᴐgᴐ
min ninigali
ke,
o ti fili. or The
one who asks, never
errs.] This
reminder
has already helped us manage many
a
culturally
unclear
situation to
date, and
I'm sure it will help in
the rest of our interactions, as well.
In the beginning of
life
here,
I
was
afraid
to be my naturally curious self and ask too many questions. I was afraid of being too intrusive. As
a result, I
found myself
walking away from situations only to
find
out
later
that I
had
missed
some
crucially
important details. (Exs: Oh, that was your husband. I should have done XYZ with the official papers I had before sending them. The lady visiting is describing her demonic possession, not just insomnia. etc)
Instead
of asking,
I answered my questions with what I knew of the world, my
worldview, my culture.
I filled in the blanks with
assumption.
However, the way I fill blanks
is often completely different than the reality of life in Africa.
In time, I've
had to learn
to
ask more questions.
If not, I only
assume
upon
people's thoughts, words, and intentions. I assume I already understand it all, and in
so doing,
I
isolate myself from true understanding.
The
problem is, we often don't know the right questions to ask.
Especially
in cross-cultural settings, we have no schema for the information we
need:
What do you mean when you say this is "medicine"?
Do
I need to get this paper
stamped
a
fourth time?
Should I expect this to break in two days?
Is this really a "fine" or a "bribe"?
Correspondingly, I may also assume I'm hearing the whole truth from my friends without having to ask
questions. I think people will disclose completely, though that's rarely the case. Lately,
I've found certain questions particularly enlightening about people I thought I knew well. Sometimes, when posed, the immediate reply is a quizzical face. Especially for women here, most seem as if they themselves have never considered the answer, nonetheless had to respond to such a question:
How
do you feel about this situation?
What
things do you aspire to do?
What are some solutions?
What
do you think?
In
time, I began to understand
my friends better with each gradual question posed. I began to comprehend
the inevitable and unending guilt-trip we'd face if we didn't visit a
certain friend often
enough. I began to understand other friends' coldness.
I
began to understand beggars or the aggressive merchants. As I saw loneliness,
desperation, and other issues more clearly, my
frustration
was replaced with informed compassion. As
strong and unaffected as most African women may seem, they are human.
They are women.
Sure, they can walk miles carrying tons on their heads and babies on
their backs, but they can hurt deeply,
even if they won't bring it up.
They feel. They cry. Trust me; I've seen it.
As
humbling as it may be to admit my complete ignorance, it's good for me to ask more questions. True, it can be despairing to know that there's little I can do to fix my neighbors' griefs, but I don't have to be overwhelmed. I'm
comforted
that God is
in control even
in this crazy, evil-laced world in which we live.
He knows the questions to ask and the questions we don't ask. He knows the answer to these questions and the solutions to our issues, as well. Across every culture, humanity groans with questions, and our loving God Himself is the answer to them all.
