So, I lied about going to Tumblr. It really did seem like a good idea at the time, but this site makes it easier to keep up with more people I actually know, even if it doesn't look as cool as the other.

Life updates: the waiting period is a different one for me. Up until this point in my life, everything has been planned out for me: daycare, school, college,. True, I did get a little say-so in the particulars, but stepping out and making big-girl decisions is something new to me. I mean, I can barely pick out which cereal I want to buy at Kroger, nonetheless quickly decide upon a future path.

Fortunately for me, it isn't about my plans as much as it is God's purpose (Proverbs 19:21), and I'm learning to trust in God, Himself to be my security, my consistency.

As a natural people-pleaser, I have always wanted people's approval in what I'm doing. I want a title for it. I want to seem legit. Therefore, a period of just working a minimum wage job at a fast-food joint after college graduation has really humbled me. Does it matter if I have something to present family and friends when they ask "what do you do?": no. Still, it bothers me.

When the Spirit tells me to move (or not), though, I have to know that He won't necessarily give me something explainable in human logic. Let's look at Abraham, Noah, Job, Moses, the disciples, Jesus Himself, and many more. They were obedient to the Father, knowing that they could trust His character, even if they didn't understand the particulars.

Yes, He gave me a brain to use, but He also likes to make me walk out in faith when logic says it would be dumb. So, I will finally swallow my pride (or hopefully kill it once and for all). I can spend this time of not knowing my plans by trusting in God Himself. If only I can grow to know Him more through all of this, it will be well worth it.

Quick note: I've now moved to tumblr if you want to continue to read what I'm posting. Just click the link there and it should take you there...

Throughout this semester, I’ve really been learning a lot about prayer and its importance to the daily life of a Christian [i.e.- for me]. So often, I tend to overlook it and trend towards actively doing something more measurable or profitable [in the world’s eyes, that is]. However, why do I keep on trying to control my surroundings myself without asking the One who is in control of it all?

[Answer: because I'm dumb enough to practically think I have control]

As the teacher that I am, I started to investigate and found a LOT of really interesting points that the Bible has about communicating with God in prayer. Of course, this isn't an exhaustive list, but it's just a few things I've learned.

[Mark 9:29] Prayer is sometimes the ONLY way to accomplish certain tasks.

[Mark 9:31-32] Sometimes, Jesus tells us things fairly clearly but we still don’t understand. Why do we not just ask the Lord for clarification of these mysteries? [Daniel 2:28; 1 Corinth 4:1] True, God doesn’t always reveal everything to us, but He will clarify points He wants us to know…

[Matthew 6:5-8] Prayer is NOT: meaningless words, religious show, telling God anything He doesn’t already know. The Lord just wants me to humbly come to Him, and realize how little control I actually have.

[Mark 11:24] Prayer and belief are closely correlated

[Luke 18:9-14] Prayer is between God and man, individually. When I'm stepping into the throne room of heaven, there's little room to be comparing my "righteousness" on human terms.

[Philippians 4:6-7] Surrendering everything in prayer is one means to God’s perfect peace.

[Luke 11:5-10] Persistence in prayer is essential

[Luke 11:11-13] God is ready and willing to give us what we ask.

In light of this, I don’t know why I ever think that I can just do things on my own without presenting it all to the Father. God doesn't need our prayers to get things done, but He allows us to talk to Him on a relational level. Why would I ever take that for granted?!

L'Union fait la force

I just ran across this video, and it really, really made me want to go to Haiti. I'm not sure why, but my heart's always been there. Even beginning in high school, I really wanted to travel there and stay for a while. In fact, it was one of the reasons why I majored in French.

For whatever reason, though, it seems that it's not God's plan for me to get there right now [or maybe even ever]. Doors have cracked open, such as a summer to stay and work with a missionary family I know or a Spring Break trip with the BCM. Yet these doors are always slammed shut in the end. I suppose God's got different things in mind.

Still, I know that God really knows what He's doing, so I'll trust that His way is best... even when it's not what I necessarily would want. For now, I'll learn to delight myself in Him in all areas. Then, I can trust that He will be and bring all [and more] than I could ever imagine. I'll make my plans, but may Christ determine my steps.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Haiti - Strength Through Unity from photogenX International on Vimeo.

Something Old, Something Borrowed

It's 2:18 AM. Maybe it's a sign that I really am the overthinker that I suspected, but my mind and heart are filled with questions and thoughts. I could probably sleep if I tried, but I just figured I'd write down my musings to get them out. Since it's quicker to type and my journal is nowhere near, you will have to bear with me here. Here are just a few of my thoughts:

I long to see something new and beautiful. Something truly innovative and novel. True creativity. Purpose to the things I see. Yet, I wonder if it's really out there. Is there anything truly original left in the world?

I was watching some indie films online, and it made me want to do something incredible. As impractical as the notion may be at 2 am, they inspired me to find or create something beautiful and to inspire others, as well. [Don't worry. I'll settle with a blog this morning.] What is inspiration, though? What is impact?

In the world of Hollywood, Nashville, Youtube, and Bollywood, impact is stored in videos or a song or some form of text for a little while. For the rest of us, it's the same, but differently recorded. It's our friends' memories or photos, not short films. It's emails, not articles. It's conversations, not songs. Either way, all of these seemingly huge things get lost in time. Even highly esteemed or great people get lost in time. Then, does anything last forever? What is eternal?

Eternity is not in an empire of money, a name, or even family ties. All of these things end before long. To steal from King Soloman, a great philosopher, it's all "vanities of vanities" eventually. Then, what's the point? Is there anything worthwhile and lasting? The only thing that will last is what has always been and always will be: God Himself and the kingdom He's building.

Everything begins with Him, points to Him, and leads to Him. That sounds selfish on His part, but what else is greater to be consumed by? Of course we, the created, were made to draw everything from the Creator. If we could draw from anything else, He wouldn't be the truly creative one. If He pointed us to anything but Himself, He wouldn't be kind. He would be pointing us to second-best. If the Beatles had one thing right, it was this statement: "All we need is love." But where do we find it? Well, it's God Himself. He is our definition of Love. Moreover, God is, by definition, the best for all mankind. If He weren't the best, then He would cease to be God.

When I look at the world, at art, and at all mankind has [constructively] accomplished, I see just a group of children, running around and playing pretend. We credit ourselves and are so proud of what we "create." However, we really only steal and rework previous ideas. We're shadow people pretending to be real. We are created in the image of God, yet we think we ARE God. We think we are novel, but we're not.

Just take a look at movies, for example. They are mostly re-told tales or reworked films that were once popular, then forgotten. There is nothing novel and nothing purely new apart from what God is continually making. He does it day, even. Each sunrise: an original painting. Each snowflake: a new pattern. Each human being: unique. And here we are, taking each others' philosophies, words, images, even personalities and claiming them as our own. Hilarious.

Helpful Hurt?

The other day, I was riding in the car with my aunt and seven-year-old cousin. Somehow, the topic of non-poisonous snakes came up, and my cousin began to explain why they didn't scare her. Since I knew that she was terrified of snakes, I really questioned her about this line of reasoning. In the most informed seven-year-old voice that I have ever heard, she said that the difference was that non-poisonous snakes hurt you but the don't harm you.

Later, when thinking through this relatively insightful phrase, the good ole Jeremiah 29:11 popped in my head. " 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to help you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.' " Now, I know I'm really delving into semantics, here, but the difference in hurt and harm really struck me.

God has never promised that following Him will never hurt. In fact, Jesus makes it a point to pretty much guarantee that we won't be liked [John 15:18-19]. However, one theme that we do see is that the hurt we face is not purposeless. It is to make us more faithful, more loving, more enduring, more like Christ Himself. It is a fire, which refines us all in the end. As unpleasant as it may be, it would be idiotic to trade any of these times for simple comfort.

So, what God promises in Jeremiah, still holds firm for us, today. God is not vindictive nor does He lack control over our circumstances. Like any good father, he knows what is for our ultimate good, though, and will not settle for less for His children. That is so awesome! As Peter writes [2 Peter 4:12], we've got to trust that God is really good and really does know what He is doing.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." -Romans 5:3-4

Clothed in Righteousness

Ok, so I really would like to get better at this whole "blogging" thing, but the idea is relatively new to me. I've enjoyed reading other people's stuff but it's been a while since I've actually posted. Bear with me...

If there's anything that I've learned by taking all of my French classes this semester, reading tons of literature, and writing who knows how many essays, it would be the power of reading things in a new perspective, even the Bible. The more I learned about great literary works, the more the Bible as a beautiful work of art has fascinated me. I keep seeing all these amazing parallels in things that I would have overlooked in the past. Especially in "those sections" of the Bible, where I think I would be better off skipping, there are treasures hidden. For example: clothes. Have you ever thought twice about the role that they play in the Bible and the implications and significance it has for our daily walks with Christ? Well, if you haven't, let's take a little stroll through the scriptures, and I'll show you what the Holy Spirit Has shown me.

First, one's clothing can be a marker of identity and an expression of how a person is feeling. From the beginning, we have tried our best to cover our shame, but God must provide a way to really hide our nakedness and shame (Genesis 3:21). This time it was an innocent animal. The next [and ultimate] time, it was God Himself. When later instructed to get rid of foreign gods and purify themselves, God told them to "change your clothes" [Gen 35:2].

The "holy garments," according to the Old Testament, were used for anointing, ordaining, and setting apart priests with dignity and honor for service to the Lord (Exodus 29:29, 31:10, 39:1, 28:3, 40:13; Leviticus 16:32). They were a marker of God's glory and beauty (Exodus 28:2), a reminder of one's commitment to God (Ex. 28:29-30; Numbers 15:38-40), and even a kind of protection from being killed when approaching the Lord(Exodus 28:43).

For us, the appropriate clothes of purification can only be purchased from and by Jesus [Revelation 3:18][Matthew 22:11-14]. In His true form, Jesus has new, dazzling clothes that are incomparable to what the world could offer [Mark 9:2-3]. He describes us as people who are clothed in splendor [Ps. 45:3, 104:11]

Knowing these things, I pray that righteousness really would be my clothing [Job 28:14]. Just like Lazareth, I really long to take off these stained grave garments and go freely [John 11:44]. Daily, I must remember to put on Christ [Rom 13:14], compassion [Colossians 3:12], humility [1 Peter 5:5], and His power [Luke 24:49]. Lord, may I only search to cover myself with the identity of who You say I am and who You have made me to be!